Remember Me, Always
by McCarly
Summary: This is a story of Carly and how life make truns and sometimes those truns bring you back to where your started. Jarly fic.
1. Chapter 1

Hello! I wanted to take a moment to say that I own nothing! Sadly. This is a Jason and Carly story GH history shell stay as intact as I can keep it. This is a story of past pain fixing tomorrow. Please read and review. I should tell you I am not the best of writers so please let me know what you think. Thank you.

**Remember Me, Always.**

Looking over the hotel figures again Carly brought her fingers to her head to message away the throbbing pain in her temple. "Are you alright Mrs. Jacks?" Marty's concerned voice reached her ears making her cringe. Carly looked up and smiled at the man.

"Yes, Marty, just a head ach." She replayed in a sleepy voice. With everything that had been going on in her life sleep was the last thing Carly was thinking about. She knew it was starting to ware on her. Even she could see it.

"That's the fourth time this week Mrs. Jacks. Maybe you should go to see a Doctor? I can set it up if you would like?" Carly looked up a notices how he was looking at her, like she would faint or break. 'Did she really look that bad?'

"Alright Marty, set it up and let me know when."

"Yes, Mrs. Jacks" Marty left the room before anymore could be said. Carly was should he thought she would changed her mind. Carly smiled, Marty was a good person. And with that she set her mind to the task at hand.

Two Days Later

Carly's head was killing her. Her head aches were going to drive her crazy. Or, maybe to kill her soon to be Ex-husband. They had been sitting here arguing over every detail of the hotel. It was pissing her off. Yes, she had slept with Sonny and killed their marriage. However, that was personal and this was business. Well, at least it was supposed to be. 'Hell, maybe Cassadine was right. Maybe I should sale. Start over completely. No Sonny. No Jax.' "Mrs. Jacks? If you don't leave now you'll miss your appointment." Marty was looking worried again.

"Appointment?"  
"Yes, with the Doctor. You asked me to set it up, remember?" The truth was she didn't remember.

"Doctor?" Jax's voice popped in again making her eyes water from pain. Carly rolled her eyes.

"Just a check up. Thank you, Marty. Please have a car brought to the front."

"It's waiting now Mrs. Jacks."

"You're the best, thank you Marty." Marty moved to finish his work elsewhere.

"Jax, we will have to finish this later tonight at the meeting." Carly got up to leave not letting him get anything else in. She loved him, she really did, but she would be damned if he started treating her like Sonny did. Carly knew she had made mistakes but she wasn't the only one. Carly got in the limo and closed her eyes trying to let the day fade away. 'God, Marty was right.' Her head felt like it could explode at any moment. It was interfering with her life. She hadn't see Michael in three days because she couldn't seem to push herself to get out of bed and face the light. Yesterday Carly woke up with a noise bleed after a nightmare. Hopefully Patrick could proscribe something. The Daughtry's Crash came from her phone. "Jase, what's up?"

"Just checking in. I haven't seen you in three weeks, since Kate was shot. You okay?"

"Yup, Fine. You?"

"Where are you?"

"On the way to my doctors."

"What happen to fine."

"Just a check up, Jason. No, big. So, what's up with you? You don't normally call to 'check in.' Sonny causing problems with the business?"

"Something like that. How'd you know?"

"Your voice. And I married the man four times, I know how he thinks. He try to take over yet?"

"Carly…" the warning tone bugged her.

"What?! Wheatear you believe it or not I need to know what is going on. For no other reason than so I don't worry. Or, wait to for the call that you or he was shot."

"Are you sure your okay, Carly?"  
"I'm a bit stressed out. Just… tell me."

"Yea, he tried and I said no. It's not good for business, Carly. I couldn't let him start a war, not with my people."

"You did what was right for business. Let's face it Jason, you were always better for business. But can I ask you a question?"

"Can I stop you?"

"Nope. Do you want to keep the business or do you want out?"

"No one gets out. Kate's shooting proves that."

"What about Liz? You love her and I want you happy. Maybe you could walk away, Jason."

"Carly, we both know why I toke over."

"Yes, to save MY boys. And you did, Jason. You did."

"That was part of it, but Sonny was going to get a lot of people killed, Because he doesn't always think with his head and too many people had already been hurt."

"Jason…looks my car just stopped and I have to go but how about we finish this later?"

"Sure, you want to meet up?"

"Love to, however Jax and the lawyers' and finishing the divorce tonight. How about I call you after?"

"Works for me. Got to go, Carly." With that the phone went off. Carly toke a deep breath, sometimes she hated her life.

Three hours later Carly was still sitting at the doctor's office waiting for the results to her MRI and Cat scan. Patrick wouldn't let her leave until he knew what was going on. Carly knew he was worried but really she already knew what it was. Stress. Jax had called twice to remind her of the meeting tonight. Ass whole. "Okay, Carly I have the results back. You were right."

"Stress." She knew it.

"Part of it. It also has to do with an old injury. You were shot in the head a few years ago. Your file says the Doctors on hand could only get part of the built out at the time, right?" Patrick was reading out of her file so he missed the confession on Carly's face.

"Yes, but that way a long time ago. What has that have to do with this? And Patrick, keep it simple please?"

"Right, simple. Okay think of your brain as a clam and the bullet as a peril. Your brain has, over time, built a tissue over the bullet that is still in your brain. But it's run out of room to keep building and yet your body it still tries to. Carly, most people don't survive what you have. Let along get up and walk and talk after being shot like you were. I have done some checking and no one has seen anything like this… You know that where the bullet is located it by the part of the brain that controls memory, emotions, and dream, right?"

"Yes, when I was in a coma I made up a whole other life. What, what do I do to fix it?" She was weirdly clam. Almost trying not to move. 'how could this be right? Haven't I been though enough?'

"I was getting to that. I want to go in a remove it." Patrick was watching his friend take in the news. They weren't the closes of people but he had seen this woman survive what no parent should. He was see her fight and watched her cry. Now he was watching her shut down. It wasn't fair. It was too much too soon.

"But they couldn't."

"A lot has changed in this field, Carly. And I am the best. Look the truth is this is the only way to go. If we leave it alone? Over time you will lose memories, your head aches will get worse, more noise bleeds, and at some point you could end up with seshers. And you could die."

"Could die?" Her voice cracked on her intake of breath.

"Will die." She couldn't die. She had a little boy who needed her and another who needed her to be here when he woke up to hold him and remind him of her love.

"So, if I have this done. Than what?"

"Well, first off you need to know what there are no promises. You could still lose some or all of your memories. But you would have a better chance at living. Carly, this has never been done before and I won't know anything until I am there. The longer we wait the more damage could be done."

"So, you're saying I could still die and I could still wake up not knowing my kids? But if I don't than I die and leave them without a mother? How… God! How long do I have to choose?"

"I want to go in next Friday. Carly, I know this is a lot to take in and a lot to risk. I know how much you love your children and they need you to be here for them. I wish I had better news but I don't and this needs to be done fast. Look, you have my number give me a call when ever you want okay? I have to go. Do you want me to call anyone for you?"

"No. I have a car waiting." Patrick watches her pick up her bag with the weight of the world on her shoulders. How dose a parent choose to wake up with no memory of their kids…They choose to live and make new memories.


	2. Chapter 2

Part 2

She was flouting. If you asked her how she got here she wouldn't be able to tell you. Truth was that was all she could think about. It was funny all she wanted was to get angry, yell, but she couldn't. There wasn't time, there never is it seems. No time to grave or coop with horror of the everyday lives. Time just kept moving like some mean joke, it never stopped.

Carly was sitting at the table where Jax, Alexis, Diana were all discussing the end of another one of her marriages. Like it didn't matter or the good never happened. She was trying to pay attention but all she could think of was 'will I remember.' Would she remember falling in love with Jax? Remember her wedding dancing with Jason, Fiji, learning to surf, the Silent Lady, playing with her kids, how is felt to love some one who did want anything from you, but your love. What would any of it matter if she wakes up really truly alone? How was it even possible… to forget her boys? Why was it possible?

"Carly? Are ready to sign?" Diana's voice breached her thoughts making Carly's eyes water. Was she ready to forget, did she have a choice?

"Uh, just to recap. You get Montréal and I get Metro Court?" Carly asked pulling the document close to her.

"That's what we have been saying! Are you okay?" Carly looked up at Jax's concerned eyes. They seemed to lie to her. So much concern but he couldn't stay. Did she really want him to make decisions for her if something, anything, went wrong? Carly shakes her as, god this was too much. She toke a deep breath.

"Yes. Just a head ache." Carly looked down at Jax's name signed to the paper, so sure. It hurt, more so now than before, it was like knowing she might not remember was making everything so much worst. If she did this, she just might wake up with nothing. Putting her pen to the papers signing her name Carly looked up into his eyes, "There's one more thing. If there ever comes a time when I forget Fiji or laughing with you, falling in love with you; can you remind me? Please? Just remind me that there was a time where everything with us was beautiful, okay? Tell me about Courtney and how much she would have loved to see us both smile. Can you promise me that?" Everyone at the table looked shocked, confused at her announcement. Carly looked back down at the papers with her name. It wasn't right. There was no more time.

"Forget? Why would you forget?"

"It… doesn't matter. I'm just tried. Never mind. Besides you don't get to worry about me anymore Jax. We're not Man and Wife anymore. And I can take care of my self. Dianna, I would like you to fly to the D.P tonight I want this finished as soon as possible. Take Jason's jet he won't mind."

"So much for being sad, Carly." Alexis spit out.

"Right now!, I am plans with Max"

"Why the rush?"

"Change you plans Dianna. This just needs to be done. And the rush, Jax is I'm done and I have things to do and they can't wait. Ms. Miller please meet me at the limo" With that Carly walked out leaving them to bitch at each other. Her head hurt too much to play along. Carly picked up her phone.

"Morgan."

"Hey, Jase. I need to barrow your jet tonight, is that okay?"

" What about getting together later?"

"Rain check. So, can I barrow the jet?"

"Yea, is everything alright?"

"No. But I don't have time to get into it. And don't worry, no plans."

"I am worried but if you need anything you call me, before you do something…okay?"

"Promise. Thanks for the jet. Talk to you later, jase. Love you." Carly closed the phone. She couldn't deal with Jason right now. Hell, she wasn't really sure how she was walking at all. Carly stepped out of the elevator and walked to the gift shop in the lobby. She knew what she needed. Carly picked up a leather bound journal and a pen, paid for them and went to the limo to wait for her lawyer. When Dianna stepped into the car Carly was sitting watching the rain fall. She was beginning to hate the rain, nothing good happened when it rains.

"I hope there is a good reason I concealed my plans?"

"Max is a good man. You're lucky to have him."

"Yes, I know. Now what if this about?"

"Anything I say to you wont and can't be told to anyone else, right?"

"Yes, I am on the clock. Why, what have you done?"

"Nothing, this wasn't what I did. Did you know that a few years ago Sonny shot me in the head while I was giving birth to his son?" Dianna watched Carly as she sat unmoving watching the world passing by. Something about all of this felt dangerous.

"I heard the gossip yes."

"Not gossip, fact. The doctors at the time weren't able to take out all of the bullet. It's causing problems now." Dianna closed her eyes, nothing good could come next. This way a client that needed her help and she would fix this any way she could.

"What kinds of problem?" Dianna had never seen Carly so clam or her voice so low. She knew what Carly was doing. She was shutting down and who really could balm the woman. Anyone would.

"If I don't have it removed… I'll die. "

"Oh, God."

"If I do I could lose my memory and that's if I live. The doctors haven't seen this before so everything is up in the air. A lot like my life. "Carly's worry was showing in her voice, as if she had run for days and now needed to sleep.

"What do you need me to do?" Carly could tell Dianna was trying hard not to show emotion, to be professional. Carly smirked. Dianna was a good lawyer.

"I need you to make sure Jax won't have any say in what happens to me, I need the divorce finished. If something goes wrong he is to have no say. Also, I need to make sure my boys are safe from Sonny. How do I do that?" Dianna had note that Carly still wasn't looking at her. Just watching the outside world.

"The best way? They need to have another legal guardian."

"Adoption?" Carly asked in a whisper.

"That works. It's legal and binding. Also a letter from the parent, that's you, on why the choice was made and why it needs to be upheld. Just in case. But Carly if you … if something went wrong wouldn't the boys need their father?" Carly knew Dianna was looking for a way to slow this down. A way to make it better for everyone and maybe even to find out what she was thinking, but Carly wasn't really thinking about anything but what needed to be done.

"Sonny is who he is, but he is the danger. It's not the business, it has some causes yes, but it's Sonny who runs on emotion and anger. Michael toke a bullet that was meant for Sonny. The bullet that is causing this right now, was put there by Sonny. Are you telling me that, that doesn't matter? Are you telling me that if I …I die that Morgan would be safe with Sonny?"

"No. But…"

"I know he loves them but love… it's NOT enough. I need my kids to be safe. There is no buts Dianna. There can't be."

"I understand. But maybe you should take some time to think about this?"

"The doctors don't think I have much time. I know what I am doing. If you can't or won't do this please tell me." Dianna knew this was wrong but she couldn't tell what about it was. There wasn't anything wrong with a mother protecting her kids, never. She also knew that if Carly did die she would make sure her wishes were fallowed because no one could say Carly didn't love her children.

"No. I will have you divorced by tomorrow and I can't get you the paper work for everything, in about two days?"

"Thank you."

"Carly?" Carly looked up and the pity in Dianna's eyes and felt sick all over again. This wasn't right.

"Yes?"

"I am so sorry. I wish there was more I could do." Carly nodded at her and opened the limo door.

"You're doing enough. You're about to miss your flight. I will see you in two days." Dianna smiled at her client silently wishing her the best and walked away to do her bidding.

Carly left Dianna and to the driver to take her to Michael and picked up her pen. The first passage Carly wrote was this:

Hello. If I am reading this… no, that's wrong isn't it? If you are reading this than you lived, but you don't remember. And I am sorry. I am sorry because you must feel alone, pissed off, and scared. It's not right. You woke up in a world where people say they know you because you have someone else face. My face. I image it feels a bit like a cruse. There are people who hate you and love you, people you can't trust and you have no idea why. And all you want to do is run. But I am asking you not to run for the same reason I toke this chance for the both of us. Our boys. We have two sons that need us. And a best friend who… doesn't know he needs us. So, please be for you run read this. In it I will try and put everything about everyone you need to know. Or, I will try. The world you woke up in isn't safe, but you and I have a safe place, it's with Jason. And he can tell you anything you want to know. You can trust him if you wont trust this. I do ask one this of you, tell my boys I love them and always think of them.

Carly


	3. Chapter 3

Part 3

Jason looked into the window of Michael's room. The doctors had called him this morning to tell him that Carly had changed Michael's papers. He was to be called anytime something happened with Michael. They also told him that Carly was at Michael's room, that she hadn't left last night. Which was odd, because she had asked to use the jet and he knew for a fact that it had left PC last night. He knew now why he hadn't slept last night. He had known something was wrong. But now he was scared. His jet was missing and his best friend hadn't not left on. Insted she had fallin alseep next to her comatose son, while her other son was with his grandmother.

Carly was lying with her head on Michaels bed, her hand holding a book by his other side. She looked not peaceful but lost, sad even in sleep. Would he be able to fix it? Whatever it was, he had to fix it. Jason went into the room. He sat of the other side of Carly. His family. How did all this happen? Why did he let it happen? Jason put his hand on his son's head, his skin was so warm, his hair was so soft, but Jason couldn't hear his laughter any more. He brushed his son's hair. Silently begging god to release his boy from this prison. To take him instead. To give him back to Jason. So, he could have a chance to keep all his promise to this perfect person that Carly gave him. A tear left Jason's eye has he tried to think about what Michael's voice sounded like. He leaned and put his head on Michaels closing his eyes, he promised his son in a whisper "I'll save her Michael. For both of us, i'll save her. I love you." Jason kissed Michael's head and leaned back. As he moved back to the chair he pulled to book from under Carly's hand and flipped through the pages. The book had people from Carly's life in it. Courtney, Sonny, Ric, Alexis, Lorenzo, Sam, Lulu; Jason turned to the last entry:

"There is always good and bad in life. The hard part, is trusting the good. The best part of my life… our life is our boys. But I think it's important to know the bad so you can love the good. And for our safety. When I am gone, I need to know that you know how to keep safe. And I need to believe that you will love them as much as I have. I want you too see you can't live without them, anymore than I could."

Jason put the book down and run his hands over his face , putting his head in his hands. "When I am gone?" He asked to the air. Carly's soft voice slid in.

"I didn't think Jason Morgan snooped? I must be rubbed off on you." Jason looked up at her, she hadn't moved from her stop. She was just watching him. Jason's eyes softened at her.

"That isn't such a bad thing. You rubbing off on me," Carly closed her eyes to him.

"Yes, it is. But what's done is done." Jason nodded at her truth. Even though it was odd hear those words from her lips. Carly's was always the only who wanted to change the past. Jason held up the book to Carly's view, in question. Carly nodded back and stood up. She stretched and leaned in to kiss her Mr. Man. "I love you baby. I will be back as soon as I can. I will bring a new book with me. Maybe one about Chile? Someplace warm with beaches. You would like that." Jason watched Carly with their son. His heart breaking all the while. "We should held home."

"You going to answer my question?" Jason asked his best friend

"Did you ask one?" She answered sarcasticly. They looked at each other, telling each other things with no words leaving their lips. "Later, not here." Jason nodded. They kissed Michael both saying they love and miss him. As they were leaving Michael's room Carly turned to Jason looked into his ocean blue eyes, her own filled with pain, "you'll never understand how much I loved you, how much I will always love you." And she walked away. Leave Jason to fallow, wishing he could leave those words in that room. Leave the pain and longing there. Most of all he wanted to leave his own fear there.

In the limo they both sat waiting for the other to speak, both watching the rain come down around them, both hating the rain, blaming the rain for all the pain in the past and the pain they both knew was to come. With out looking at her he spoke "What ever it is, I'll fix it, Carly."

"You can't save me Jason." Carly signed. "You can't save… the world. It doesn't work that way." He closed his eyes at her words. He knew it wasn't meant to hurt him but it did.

"Maybe not the world. But its the way we work, isn't?"

"I don't know anymore. Maybe that's why everything was … Maybe I shouldn't have let you save me all those time?" her voice ended in a whisper. "Maybe than I wouldn't have hurt you so much, maybe I could have even save you a time or two." Jason turned to look at her as she watched to out side world. She was crying, there was no sound, but he know it. He wondered if she knew she was crying. Jason truned back to his window and whispered.

"You save me all the time."

"No. Not really. But it's nice of you to say so." Carly smiled at the rain for a moment. But the pain in her head was making it hard to talk, to think, to not cry. "Jason, I know I said… can we just talk later? I really am just tried and my head is killing me." Carly brought her broken eyes to him. Jason nodded as he whipped her tears away. He pulled her to him and held her, wanting to keep her close. In this odd tenshion he felt like he was losing her.

"Sleep." Carly moved to get more comfortable and drifted off the sleep.

They walked into Jason's PH silently, Carly holding on to her book like a life line. She hadn't said anything since the limo. "Beer?" Carly looked up at Jason gratefully and nodded.

She loved him so much like this. When he didn't push, when they just were. Carly walked to the window and leaned against the beam and slid to the floor. The rain outside had turned to snow…ice, the way her heart felt. She knew the moment Jason was back in the room. She could feel him. But she kept her eyes to the sky as she spoke to him, "I remember when Michael was a baby ... you would hold him, show him the city, just talk to him. I could watch the two of you for hours. I would see you holding my son and I just knew, Jason. I knew that our family was perfect. I would know that everything was worth the pain, and I knew with everything I was that you loved him and he was safe with you. Sometimes when you were both sleeping, I would come down here and just... dream. About what our lives would be like in five, ten years. I was so sure back than." Jason nodded looked to the floor and walked to her. He handed her the beer and toke a seat across from her.

"What did you dream it would be like?" He knew, but for some reason tonight he wanted to hear it again. Hearing her talk about her dreams, sometimes if he tried he could almost see them.

"Our family. That we would be in one place, you and I would be in love. I always thought about having more kids. A little girl with your eyes and smile, but with my hair. We would just be happy, not perfect but happy." The both sat drinking their beers when she looked up at him. "I was so mad at you. There were days when I really just didn't want to look at you." Jason looked away at that.

"When?"

"When Robin told AJ the truth. I hated that you told her a name. You never had to give her the name. I hated that you trusted a women you knew hated me with our sons life. That you didn't believe me when I first told you she would betray you."

"There where days I hated me too. It was all just… so long ago."

"Do you remember the day Bobbie almost married Jerry?" Jason nodded "I don't mean to drive you crazy." Jason looked up into her eyes and smiled sadly.

"Yes, you do."

"No." Carly let her tear fall. "You kissed me and I thought finally. You tried to tell me it didn't mean anything…"

"It did."

"I know. I knew it than too. I remember exactily what i said to you. I told you.… 'I love you, you know? I'm in love with you. I always have been. And I know….you love me too. You don't say it but I see it. The way that you look at me. The way that you smile at me, even… even when I am driving you crazy. Let me come home. Please jase, I want a come home.'" Jason watched as the words poured out of her lips like before, but not. Her words now where pain, longing, and as she finished barely a whisper and her tears came harder now. Jason lifted her face with his finger tips and dried her tears.

"I remember." Carly's lost eyes held on to Jason's, her hand squids his.

"I don't want to forget that. I can't. I need to remember playing pool, betting 20's, dancing with you at jake's." A little laugh left her lips. "Do you remember…that song?" Jason smiled at her, his broken Valkyrie.

"Of course I remember. I never could figure out who was 'red hot kitchen' or 'cool as the deep blue ocean.'" For a second they both stopped, than the entire PH was covered in laughter. And his day was better. She smiled. They smiled looking into each others eyes as Jason brought his hand to her check, "I need you to tell me what is going on, Carly? Why do you think you will forget all this? Can you do that for me, please?" Carly nodded as a tear fell though her smile. As much as she wanted to hold all of this close. Keep the pain and anger, and just tell the world to fuck off. Carly know she needed him, she knew that if she didn't trust someone... she'd lose it. Their was too much lose. She needed someone to hold her hand.

"I was having head aches, so I went to Patrick. Marty told me to go, he's a good guy Jason." Jason nodded his head. "Patrick ran some tests and I… I need to go and have something removed." Jason looked at her confused 'removed?'

"What?" Carly let out a angy chuckle

"The rest of the bullet Sonny put in my head. If I don't I'll die." Carly shrugged her shoulders and smiled sadly. Like it was a weird joke that only she heard. Jason kept looking at Carly not wanting to look away. He knew she wouldn't die, and he knew that death wasn't what was scaring her. They had both lived lives where they could die any time.

"And? What else? I know there's more."

"Isn't there always more?" Carly looked out the window again, not wanted to tell him she could forget her kids, him. " If I live, there is a very good chance I won't remember something….everything. So either I don't do it, and I die. Or I do it, and I lose everything. But I guess... there isn't really a choice is there?" Jason didn't want to believe it. Hadn't she been though enough? He tried to find words to say... something but there was nothing. Just a need to save her. Jason pulled Carly to his lap, pulled her as close as he could. Her back, to his chest so she couldn't see his own tears at her words. He could really lose her this time. He felt her body shake with sobs and pulled her closer still. "Jason, I don't want to go away. My boys need me. I don't want to forget their lives. Please… I can't forget. Oh, god." They cried together as he whispered in his ear things they both wouldn't remember come morning. But it didn't matter, as long as they held on.

He didn't know how long they had sat there on the floor as the snow fell to the earth. It was the seconded time his world came crashing down with Carly holding his hand. He knew she was sleeping but he just wanted to hold on a little more. Her voice filling his head, 'please, jase. I wanta come home.' Their lives where so hard, so complicated. He moved and picked Carly up off the floor and moved her to his room, covering her, kissing her check, he whispered "I'll fix this." And he went down stairs to do just that.

He picked of the phone and made what was one of the most painful calls, he called Bobbie and let her know what was happening to her child. He listen to her cry and beg him to save her little girl. He asked her to keep Morgan and promised to do all he could. He called Patrick and asked every question he could think of. But it didn't seem to make anything better. Maybe, there was no better. He walked around the PH picking up things trying not to remember… everything. He moved and looked at the pictures on his mantel. The one of him and Carly and the boys. Their was one of Emily. One of Carly and Courtney laughing holding baby Morgan. So many people lost. There was a picture Carly had taken with him, Spinelli and the boys. Jason look around on the floor he found Carly's book and her cell phone. When he pick up the cell phone a memory came, her voice in his head 'This is really creepy, man. She has a phone, a cell phone they only talk to each other on… you know what I'm thinking?' Jason answered the question in his head out loud "Yes, I do. " Even as her voice was still in his head. 'no, you don't.' "Yes, I do." 'I bet you ten thousand dollars you don't' "come on" "we should have phones like that."

And he laughed out loud. "Stone Cold?" Spinelli's voice brought Jason back. Jason looked at the boy that lived with him. "Are you alright?" Jason smiled at the boy and shock his head. "Well, than. You must tell the Jackal so he can fix it." Spinelli was standing there wanting to help his master. Jason didn't know how but Spinelli had come into his life, made it a mess like Carly and he loved him for it like Carly. The boy was his friend, his little brother, his son. In that moment Jason knew he wanted Spinelli to know they were family, he wanted to protect him as much as he could. He wanted to keep him close so he wouldn't be lost like so many other. Jason motioned for Spinelli to sit on the sofa with him. "Stone Cold, what is it?" Jason nodded his head.

"I have a question for you, that I want you to think about?"

"The Jackal will do everything in his power to give the best answer he can find."

"It's not really that kind of question. I know you're an adult, legally I mean. But I was wondering if… I would like to adopt you." Jason was looking at the coffee table. The truth was this wasn't something Jason needed to think about. Spinelli was and always would he is family.

"You want to adopt me? The Jackal is a bit confused and awed but this turn of events. May I inquire as to why and how this came to Stone Cold?"

"We're family, not a normal one but family the same. I'm not good with words, more with actions. I was thinking of just making it legal. If you want." Spinelli looked at Jason and knew that Jason was telling him he loved him. Spinalli smiled and lunched himself at Jason hugged him. Jason sat in shock and moment and hugged him back for a seconded before putting some space there. " So is that a yes."

"The Jackal would be most honored to be a part of Stone Colds family. I must say I still feel as if the Jackal is missing something?"

"Yeah, I guess. Carly is … sick."

"oh, no. The Valkyie… what has happened to your trust companion?"

"It's a long story Spinelli. Right now she is upstairs sleeping, but I was wondering if you would be willing to go to Bobbie and maybe visit with Morgan?"

"Oh, course. The Jackal is most please to see The Valkyie's youngest. I shall take good care of My new family Stone Cold, everything will be all right." Jason smiled at Spinelli calling Morgan their family. "Stone Cold?"

"Yes?"

"Dose the Valkyie know that I am to be in her family? Is she… Happy about it?" Spinalli seemed nervice with idea that Carly wouldn't want him in their odd little family.

"Carly is going to be happy. Don't worry. You should go see Morgan." Spinalli smiled brightly and left to see his new family. Jason let out a small laugh and left a message for Dianna to call. He looked around the room only to have his eyes fall on Carly's book. Jason moved and picked it up. He began to read what she had deemed important to remember, he noted that for the most part the entries werent all the long but inforative. He cried when he saw Emily's name with one sentence "Jason's little sister was his heart at the times he thought he didn't have one, we never got along but that alone made me thankful to her." He ran his finger our his sisters name, is his best friends hand. He knew they didn't get along but he never knew that Carly was thankful to his sister. It was odd get to see her thoughts on other people, when he thought he knew everything about her. But than again Carly was always suprizing him.

He turned to page and laughed when under Lulu she wrote. "She's my kind of trouble. She is me when I was younger: angry, hopeful, wanting love, thoughtless, but most of all she plays pool just like me. I worry about her the most. she needs someone who is always on her side and that has been me. Who will save her, love her completely when I'm gone?" Jason trued to page and smiled sadly as he read Spinalli's name. It was the sweets thing, because she didn't know that Jason would ask Spinalli what he did today, Carly just knew he was family. "Spinalli AKA the Jackal is maybe the oddest part of our little family but part of the best. He works with Jason, drives him crazy, and makes me laugh. He has the best heart of anyone I know. You can't help but love him."

When Jason turned the page again and read Robin's name he was surprised to see Carly had written so little about the women she hated. It simply read "You can't trust her. There are many reasons I write this but only two real reasons it matters. She tried to hand our son Michael over to a drunk, and than ran away and left us to pick up the peaces of the lives she blow to hell. And she helped the man who kidnapped our son to get away with it. Two things a Mother can not forget or forgive." When put so simply it was hard not to understand the reason Carly hated her. There reason didn't matter, it was simple the facts of what Robin had done. She had hurt Carly's son. That wasn't something Carly could forgive. And for the first time he really understond, and found him self angy to Robin for what she had done back than.

Under Courtney Carly had written "She was my best friend, my sister but the thing I love most about her was the way she understood. She knew who Jason and I were to each other and she never tried to take that away. She never talked down about me to him. And she ways respected the way we needed each other. She is our angel now. And she will forever be missed and loved." Jason nodded at the little book. Carly was right Courtney did understand them, she always had. It had made it easier to love her. Maybe that was why she was the only woman Carly liked that he had been with. Simple because she really was okay with the way they were with each other. It explaned alot.

Jason read about Bobbie and laughed at Carly's comments about Luke and Lucky, and about Max and Milo. Read about her mother Virginia and laughed at the way Sam and Alexis only had one line each. Sam's read "She slept with my husband, got pregnant, lived with Jason and the bitch broke his heart." Alexis only read "Slept with my husband, got pregnant, is Sam's mother, and she thinks she is better than everyone else, hypocrite." He shock his head reading that but knowing once again it was simple facts. And he couldn't argue with any of it, maybe thats why it was so funny to him.

In most of the passages Carly would write about good memories with the people she loved so she wouldn't forget them, that was why when he read Lorenzo's name Jason stopped a moment not sure if he wanted to know about the good times they had. But he read anyway. She wrote about Lorenzo taking her from Ric's, and about saving Morgan, about saving his life in a ally way, about the night she gave birth to Morgan and about her dreams of the live they could have had. She wrote about them getting married and divorced but it was one passage that had Jason thinking. She wrote "I know why Jason couldn't understand back than, but a part of me hated that he wouldn't let himself see my side. I was so confused all the time and nothing made since. And for a little while Lorenzo was the only one who could save me, because he was the only one who believed in me. They only one who saw all the pain in my eyes." Jason looked out the window and thought about that time. He knew back than he wasn't really seeing her. All he could see was that she was protecting the man the helped kill this unborn child. There was a part of him who knew that wasn't completely true. But still back than it was so hard to control Sonny, deal with Courtney, the lose of his child, and Carly not acting like his Carly. Maybe he did miss all the pain she was in. Maybe he just didn't want to see it.

The next couple of entries were about Sonny, Ric, and Roselawn. Jason put the book down. There was to much to think about already without getting into all that pain. He knew she wasn't done. She hadn't written about her boys or Liz and Jake. Jason was glad he wasn't in the book yet. He knew he would be but he wasn't at all sure he wanted to read about himself. Jason couldn't image what Carly would be like when she woke up, he just knew he would be there for her. And once again her voice filled his head "Please, Jase. I wanta come home"

Carly knew two things before she even opened her eyes. One, she was alone. Two, she was in Jason's bed, warm and safe. She pulled his pillow to her face to take in his smell, she never wanted to forget.

"What are you doing?" She could tell Jason was trying not to laugh at her. She looked up from the pillow and found him at the window watching her. She smiled up at him.

"Nothing." He smirked

"Really it looked to me that you were smelling my pillow."

"Looks can be discovering." Carly said smiling up at him. Jason rolled his eyes at her.

"Whatever you say, Carly. How are you feeling?"

"Alright considering. Did you read it?" She looked up at him wondering but not mad.

"Most of it." She nodded thinking and than asked,

"What didn't you read?" Jason looked away for a moment before looking back and answering her question.

"Sonny, Ric, Roselawn."

"Why?"

"Wasn't sure I wanted to know." Carly nodded at the answer, she could understand that.

"Maybe later than. She will need you to know and explain. You know that right?"

"I'll be there." Carly got up and headed down stair with Jason fallowing after. "I called your mother and told her. I figured it would be easier for you." Carly nodded, it was easier for her. She also knew that call was hard for him to make. "I also called Patrick. You listed me as you next of keen." She nodded again knowing that she really didn't have to explain that one. "Dianna called and you are now a single woman and she will be back tomorrow. She wants to talk to you."

"Good."

"Also I wanted you to be the first to know that I will be adopting Spinelli." Carly looked up at Jason shocked only for a moment and a smile came over her face that reminded him of a African sunrise. She squealed at hugged him.

"That's wonderful, Jason! So, what did he say when you asked him or did he ask you?"

"I asked him and he said he was honored. He was worried about what you would think about him being in your family."

"Me? He isn't just coming in our family Jason. He been in our family. I love it."

"I told him you would."

"Good." They were looking at each other smiling and holding each other. Just, being happy in the moment. When Carly noted the smile leave his face she shock her head and smiled sadly "What is it Jason?"

"You know what's wrong." Carly pulled back and nodded at him. "I don't get it Carly! Why aren't you fighting like you normally do? Why aren't you yelling at the world or coming up with some plan?" Jason let some of his anger come out in his voice but still kept a hold on it. He really didn't understand. Carly looked up at him with sad eyes.

"What am I supposed to fight, Jason? The truth? That this is happening, I don't have time to do that. Who do you want me to scream at, Sonny? You think I am not pissed as hell! I am! But it doesn't help any. And Sonny isn't in my life anymore, not really. And to be truthful I don't want to invite him back in by going to yell at him." Jason hung his head, she was right. When did everything turn around so much that he was the one running on emotion. "There is so much I have to get done. I just don't have time to do those things and the facts won't change even if I did them. I'll die if I do nothing, I could die if I do something. Period. Nothing changes." Jason looked up at her with fire in his eyes.

"You are not, NOT going to die." Carly walked up to Jason and put her hands on his face, making sure he couldn't look away.

"I could. I get it Jason, I do. When I was in Roselawn and you where sick, I was soo scared. I told you I would lose my mind without you and I meant it. So, I really do understand. I wish I could make it better for you, save you this pain. I don't know how. I wish I could save you half as much as you have saved me." Jason went to place his hands on her the same as hers were on him, when the door opened.

"Jason! I need you." Liz came in and Carly pulled away. Jason rubbed his eyes. "Sorry I didn't know anyone else was here." Liz kept looking at Carly hoping she would just leave.

"Don't you knock Lizzy?" Carly asked

"And when have you every knock on Jason's door, Carly?"

"She thought about it but than thought it would be a waste of time." Carly and Liz both looked at Jason. Liz in confusion and Carly trying not to laugh remembering the day they had that conversation. Jason just shrugged at them. Carly smiled sadly at the thought that she might not remember that later. She moved and picked up her book and purse. "Where are you going?" Jason asked. They weren't done talking.

"I have things that need to be done. Don't worry we'll talk later?" Jason nodded at her and kissed her check.

"Alright but this conversation isn't over."

"Okay. Hey, Jason. Our secrete okay?" Carly look in his eyes, both of them knowing what the other way saying.

"Always." Jason nodded at her as she left. He trued to Liz a bit annoyed that she was here when Carly needed him.

"What was that about?" Liz asked him. Jason just shocks his head. Liz know by now not to say anything bad about Carly, unless she wanted to piss Jason off.

"What do you need?" He asked as he crossed his arms over his chest. Liz looked up into his ice blue eyes.

"I was wondering if… No, I was hoping. Jason...Marry me?"


End file.
